Green Ink can reveal tonight the HSE's masterplan regarding Drogheda's Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital. A leaky artery has revealed that not only is the hospital closed to A&E and surgical cases, it is being moved in its entirety to Hell.
The move is the final phase of the hospital's 30 year plan, Green Ink has learned. The manager of the hospital, Des O'Flynn was unavailable for comment tonight. According to a spokesdemon Mr. Flynn is preparing for a massive human sacrifice in the morning, which will open a portal to Hell. Once Mr. Flynn has established the portal it is believed he and disgraced obstetrician and High Lord of the Third Circle of GGryxxxxxllnqqqqq Michael Neary will begin to have sex with the corpses as part of a levitation spell which will transport the entire building and the souls trapped within to Hell.
In scenes not reminiscent of 9/11 terrified staff at the hospital have been jumping to their deaths from ground floor windows. One survived long enough to pass Green Ink his mobile phone on which he had taken a photograph of another of the senior demons. Readers may find the malice in this photo horrific and beyond normal human comprehension:
Another spokesdemon for the hospital said the situation was "blah blah platitude platitude". He then ate a baby and picked his teeth with its bones. In gutteral otherworldly tones he revealed that former Financial Regulator Pat Neary would be taking up the post of Defilement Regulator.
There are no plans to change the hospital's name with the move. it is being kept as an affront to God Almighty, as indeed the hospital has been run for the last 30 years. Further coverage can be found on RTE. Jesus Christ.
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