Olympic Doping Scandal

You'll have to make do with Green Ink's Week this week. I'm far too busy to be entertaining you feckless hordes.
I'll be back soon though. I'm not doing a Jazz Biscuit.

Green Ink's Week

New one up on Irish Election.

Russia, The Time to Invade America is NOW!!!

Clicky.

Tanks GO GO GO!!! Everyone is so busy slagging Jessica no one will notice you travelling half way around the world to invade! Georgia is probably a good start- with the resulting confusion you'd take the country within hours.

The thread is here.

Via Ask About Money.

UPDATED: Looks like as well as throwing RTE, the shocking fact that two different places have the same name confused the hell out of Google News too...

Headfcking P8rverts

This post has been getting a lot of traffic from people I'd gladly mince to pieces with a Playdoh accessory. So I thought I'd fuck with them a bit. If I get even one of them to jump out a window it'll be worth it.
Why? Because they're arriving using search terms that make me want to pack in blogging, smash my computer to pieces and live like a hermit in a shack up a mountain without electricity, out of sheer misery at the depravity of some members of the human race.

Olympic Singer Mimed, Mimes Chinese Official

A pretty girl who shot Tibetans to fame at China's Olympic opening ceremony was a photogenic front for the real singer, it has emerged.

Nine-year-old Lin Miaoke has been celebrated across China as the angelic voice with the cute face who sang 'Ode to the Motherfucking Chinaland' at Friday's opening extravaganza.

But a director of the opening ceremony, Chen Qigang, told state television Miss Lin's voice was overdubbed by the singing of the real child singer Yang Peiyi.

'Yang Peiyi missed out on selection (to appear at the ceremony) because of her external appearance. It was for the national interest,' Mr Chen was quoted as saying by the government-run China News Service.


Chen Qigang (left) and real singer Yang Peiyi

China has gone to extraordinary lengths and expense to ensure a picture perfect Games, including innovative measures to combat smog.
15,000 workers from China's outer regions were bused into Beijing and made take a really deep breath at 8.07pm on Friday evening pm, after midday that is, just so there's no confusion with a similar time that occurs in the morning called 8.07am in the morning. Once the games are over it is believed Chinese authorities will allow them to exhale into special filters from which lead will be extracted to make new toys for America.

An official has also disclosed that some of the executions of Falun Gong practitioners broadcast at the opening were pre-recorded.

RTE Reporting End to Russia-Wexford Hostilities

Click to embiggen.

Further coverage.

Green Ink's Week

I was away last week. Just pretend it's last Friday. Green Ink' Week on Irish Election.

Frankie Gavin Made Unwitting Weapon of Musical Destruction by White House

Crazy Eyes Gavin attempting to memorise his target. Over there Frankie. In your hand.

Popular Galway fiddler Frankie Gavin has become an unwitting accomplice in a White House plan to assassinate Presidential hopeful Barack Obama, Green Ink can reveal.
Green Ink has received documents from a source, identified only as Tickley Cough, that reveal popular fiddler Gavin will attempt to assassinate Mr. Obama if it appears that his election bid will be successful.
The documents allege that popular fiddler Gavin will attempt to kill Obama at a special gala performance for him and the other presidential candidate John McCain in the White House. The documents detail how popular fiddler Gavin has been programmed to kill with a command word, which is included in the file. For readers' safety Green Ink will not publish the command word in its entirety.
The codeword is p*blicity.

Gavin, the Ghost of Washington, Bush, and the "Violin Case"

The plan, codenamed The Martelé Candidate, states that George Bush will address the guests and utter the codeword, whereupon popular fiddler Gavin will produce a tommy gun from his violin case and empty it into Obama's head until he is no longer beautiful. The documents state that popular fiddler Gavin may need to reload several times to achieve this.
When Obama is dead popular fiddler Gavin is to sit down and calmly resume playing. The last pages of the photocopied documents are obscured somewhat, as if the originals have been hurriedly lifted while being copied. What can be made out are a few fractions of sentences: "White House Press Office... black is white... up is down... believe whatever we tell them... space-time continuum" can just be made out.
Green Ink contacted popular fiddler Gavin by telephone and asked him if he'd have happily posed for photographs with Hitler. Popular fiddler Gavin's reply was "Oh absolutely, imagine the publicit-".
There followed several loud bangs and screams, then the line went dead.

Green Ink's Week

New cartoon up on Irish Election.