The Seanad heard today of a dangerous new strain of the drug Ecstasy being pushed to the young people of Ireland. The strain, known as FHEXTC or "Fiddy", makes users vacuous, attention seeking, fear mongering and ultimately causes the user to attempt to interfere with other people's choices about what they put in their own bodies.
Dr. Mashed al Fuqqid, a specialist in taking drugs to see what all the fuss is about, told Green Ink that users of Fiddy suddenly crave headlines and forget all about others taking accountability for their own actions. "They often die from dehydration, not directly from the drug, but from not being able to understand choice, and therefore getting stuck in a room with two or more doors". Even one-doored rooms are not safe, Dr. Fuqqid told us, as users have two hands. "Some users will attempt to cut one hand off but usually fail when choosing a knife or deciding which hand to cut off," he gurned.
Green Ink advises any readers approached by a Fiddy peddler to tell them to fuck off.
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