Financial Onanism...

Bertie Ahern, International Brown-Noser...

It's a few months old now, but I couldn't let it go by without putting it up here as a shining example of how smart people allow evil things to happen by pretending to be stupid:

Via Blogorrah.

Gardai Prank Call- The Animated Series!

Had to give this a plug. I thought the original recording was funny but this is snot-emitting. Picked it up via Gingerpixel. It's the work of Ian Kenny but his bandwidth seems to have suffered from his popularity. Maybe check back later. Or ring ahead to see if he's in.
Enjoy.

A Nigerian Scam from Abidjan.

WOW, what a coincidence! I got this email today, the very day my father died and left a fortune in a trunk! AND I was just about to email a complete stranger in Cote d'Ivoire to see about opening a bank account to transfer the money out of the country! AND she's a real looker!

"Hello Dear,
I am delighted to write to you. My name is Miss Mary Sandra Allen, I am sorry if this mail will come to you as an embarrassment or a surprise, I just felt like empting myself to you, after reading your profile,I decided to confide in you, as am faced with total frustration and hardship.I am presently residing in Abidjan,Cote d'Ivoire.I left my country with my father after the death of my mother during the war in our country and we came here because my father owned a business here,(cocoa business), during the going political crisis here which has turn out into a civil war since 2003,my father was attacked and killed here at the hit of the crisis as the rebels were killing prominent foreigners with the reason that they were financially supporting the government against them and the rebels are accusing the government of doing the killing.
Presently, I am staying in a REFUGEE camp assisted by the Red cross organisation, and after the death of my father, our house was set ablaze, I was unable to meet my needs pay my bills and accommodation and in my dilemma which was another reason for going to the camp, where I could at least feed and sleep as I did not know anyone here.
I take permission to go to the town where they have internet access to enable me correspond with you, I also indulge in sweeping there so that i can earn some money to at least feed.
Secondly, my late father concealed some amount of money in a trunk box and deposited it in a safe keeping house to the turn of $18.5 million dollars which I will want you to help me move out of this country because of the war here. But the safe keeping house does not know the true content of the trunk to be cash as my father declared upon deposit as containing family valuables. My father confided so much in me after the death of my mother.
All that I want is your sincere and genuine help in helping me safe guide this trunk which means that you will have to come here so that we can meet face to face first before proceeding with this claim or we can ask the safe keeping company to ship the trunk to you in your country, as we have to do the claiming of the trunk which the money is concealed in, claim it out of the safe keeping house first and the money moved out of this country as I am the named next of kin to this deposit. I cannot allow the money remain here, why, because of the war here which possess a great risk to it as my life and future solely lies on it. If you have heard from the news for the past few months now there has been intense fighting and bombing by the French troops which I will like to live here as soon as we have this money moved out of this country.
I will also like upon your arrival here to open an account in any of the international banks of your choice here where this money wil l be lodged into for transfer to your country, I know that this is our first mail, but I have decided to confide in you because i do not have any other choice than to let you know about the trunk. I want you to know that for years now, I
have lived in absolute frustration, tires and pains without any person around me, no parent, uncles or friend, but God had kept me until now, which I believe that I will smile once again.
Thirdly, I do not want to attach myself to you out of desperation so that I do not get used rather I intend you helping me to claim this money as I intend living for your country to start an entire new life and complete my education, as you will have to help in the investment of this money. But I really need your help at this trial and difficult time of mine.
I am totally frustrated that my whole mind for now lies on my survival which is securing this money. Please I am confiding completely in you and I really need your assistance at this point of my life as you alone knows of this venture.
I have enclosed my copies of my personal pictures and my late father's pictures for your view while I will expect to have yours in return.
I wait to hear from you.
Thank you.
Mary"

I can't wait to meet her so she can start "empting herself" to me. Dirty girl! And the old man looks like he got a good send off between two different funeral parlours. Nice flowers. I bet it was a tough choice of attire when he died: traditional or formal, what's a rich corpse to wear? I think the compromise with the photo propped against the coffin was very tasteful.
And imagine that in the middle of a refugee crisis Mary can still get internet access.
TAKE NOTE NOEL DEMPSEY!
If anyone else would like have Mary empt herself to them, or indeed watch her indulge in sweeping, you can contact her at mariallen2005@yahoo.fr . Go on, send her a photo.
Meanwhile, if anyone in Cote d'Ivoire can help me get my money out of the country, I promise to fleece the fuck out of you for believing this shit.

Irish Blog Awards

The Nominations round for the 2007 Irish Blog Awards is now live. It will run until 11.59pm on Friday the 26th of January 2007. Go to http://awards.ie/nominations to nominate your favourite blog for one of the 21 categories.

Ahem, ahem.

Dubliners Improvise Photo Opportunity...

Perhaps inspired by the residents of San Francisco, Dollymount strollers yesterday rushed onto the beach after several spotted an aerial photographer dangling from the landing gear of a Ryanair aeroplane (on its way to Kerry airport, Dublin) to spell out their sentiments on the recent Bertiegate affair.
Speaking afterwards, part of the M said "I don't know what came over me. I saw what they'd done in 'Frisco on TCAL, and when we saw the guy with the camera we just instinctively lay down in lettering. We were originally trying to spell 'what the fuck is a debt of honour?' but we didn't have enough people."
Meanwhile, at least one E and a portion of B were drowned by a sudden tidal surge. Several sources have speculated the surge was caused by high-ranking crocodile tears.

David Ervine has died.

Sympathies to his family.

Watch Gavin Friday...

...and try and keep your lunch down. I dare you. Via Bob.

Party Droop

Weapons of Mass Distraction....

World War 1: The anagram.
World War 2: The crossword.
Invasion of Iraq: Sudoku...

Newsflash...

Breaking news from the Middle East: Fatah and Hamas have set aside their differences and are in talks to amalagamate the two parties.

The new party will be called Fat-as.

Political Cartoon of 2006

I'm sure the boys won't be too abashed at my nomination of the above as the best political cartoon of 2006.

2007 and Almost Not Making It...

How do. I hope everyone had a Mammon Christmas and a Forgotten New Year. I'll be back posting now that's over, and thanks for the feedback in 2006, which happened to almost have been my last one on earth.

I had a car crash last week and ended up in a six foot ditch with my car on its side. No drink, drugs or excessive speed, just a wet road and bad signage. There was no-one else involved and I walked away from it.

I didn't have any Damascene transformation or suddenly revelation of a divine plan, just an even more inflated sense of my own invulnerability.

But I'm thankful to be posting, thanks for reading, and fuck me it's good to be alive.